How to Overcome Mom Guilt When Heading Back to School
11 Min Read
Going back to school as a mom is an invaluable investment in yourself and your children’s future. And while this may seem like the ideal option, there’s one thing that many women struggle with when going back to school: how to overcome mom guilt.
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that the median gross weekly earnings of those who complete a bachelor’s degree is $1,432. That’s over $500 more than high school graduates earn each week, which is a whopping $26,000 more annually.1
Just imagine how increasing your salary could impact your family.
What is Mom Guilt?
According to licensed clinical social worker, Nancy Colier, mom guilt is the feeling of not providing enough of your time and energy to your children.2 Feeling mom guilt is normal — and understandable — as these feelings indicate your dedication to caring for your children. But caring for yourself is equally important.
From cooking every meal to maintaining household responsibilities to overseeing your children’s homework assignments and beyond, there are several unspoken expectations of mothers. It may seem like taking on additional responsibilities, like going back to school as a mom, could restrict the amount of time and energy you spend with your children.
Award-winning author, Jill Churchill, once said, “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.”3 For moms going back to school, one way to be a good mother is prioritizing your degree to create a brighter future for your children.
Dealing with mom guilt is a normal experience. It’s how you handle it that’s so important. Keep reading for tips on how to overcome mom guilt and the challenge of balancing your time when going back to school as a mom.
How to Deal with Mom Guilt when Going Back to School
Cut back on scrolling.
Today’s era of social media has cultivated an unrealistic idea of how a mother should spend her time and energy.
While social media is an effective tool when it comes to sharing your experiences with family and friends, it is also a tool many use to showcase unrealistic and unattainable lifestyles.
According to research published by Psychology Today, only 19% of women admitted to posting completely honest depictions of their lives on Facebook in 2018.4 Of those study participants who admitted to fabricating or exaggerating their realities on social media, many claimed to only post about the rare and exciting moments of their lives without ever mentioning their daily challenges.
When dealing with mom guilt as you return to school, try not to compare yourself to the false image of perfection displayed by other mothers on social media. While most social media moms don’t offer a realistic picture of their own lives, they also fabricate the lives of their children, as well.
Try not to compare the childhood you’re providing your children with the fabricated childhoods you may see on social media. Remember that going back to school as a mom creates challenges that are temporary, and spending time earning your degree means you’re creating a better future for your children.
Plan time for both studying and spending time with your children.
The idea of setting aside some time for yourself may sound easier than it actually is. Your children rely on your energy and support every day, which can create a habit of neglecting your own needs when going back to school as a mom.
Sure, you’ll get some time to study when your children are playing. But what about those times when your children need hands-on enrichment while you need to focus on your degree?
As simple as it may sound, using a physical or virtual planner to maintain your schedule may help in dealing with mom guilt. Use your planner to schedule time for studying, and also time for spending with your children.
According to a recent study involving habitual planners and procrastinators, nearly 80% of adults who prioritize planning report that they have strong family relationships while also maintaining time for themselves.5
Additionally, Kristen Bowe, APRN, suggests scheduling personal time for yourself and time to spend with your children as you would an important doctor’s appointment.6 Choose specific time frames in which to study and to spend with your children, and plan ahead to ensure that time is reserved. Then, most importantly, secure that time as often as possible.
Take advantage of free activities for children.
Many public libraries and community centers host free activities for children of all ages, like craft classes and story-telling. This may allow you to study in a quiet area while your children have fun.
Also, many public schools offer free after school childcare to students. This service often aligns with the schedules of moms going back to school, and may provide you with an extra hour or two to focus on your studies each weekday.
If a free childcare program is unavailable to you, consider trading your time for babysitting with other parents in your community. MetroKids, a parenting support network in the northeastern United States, suggests this as a commonly used, affordable way to schedule time for yourself.7
Ask a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative to babysit your children while you study, and be willing to babysit their children in return. This provides you the opportunity to prioritize going back to school while your children are being cared for in safety.
Spend more time at home with an online degree.
There are no perfect degrees for moms going back to school. However, some degree programs provide much more flexibility than others, which is invaluable when managing your feelings of mom guilt.
Traditional degree programs require students to travel to a college campus multiple times each week, often at times that are inconvenient for moms going back to school.
With an online degree, you’ll have the convenience of learning at your pace without ever having to travel to campus. Whether you complete your homework while your children do their own or choose to study each night after your children’s bedtime routine, learning online provides the schedule flexibility you need to be a successful student and overcome mom guilt.
The American Women’s College of Bay Path University is Here for You
[MUSIC PLAYING] DELICIA DESOUZA: I started my college journey when I was 18. And because of life and things that kind of just happen along the way, I kind of gave up on myself.
ELYZSIA-FAITH ELLIOTT: I started in college years ago when I was younger, and I didn’t finish. I always felt that was something that held me back from my career goals and the rest of my life.
KACEY LEWIS: Neither my mom or my dad had had a college degree. I grew up with a single mom, so I really kind of watched her struggle to give me and my sister everything. And i got to this point in my own career where I couldn’t move forward without a degree. And I kind of picked up on that pattern. And I just wanted to change it.
DELICIA DESOUZA: When I had my kids, I feel like I had something to prove not only to myself, but I wanted to prove to them that no matter what age, no matter what happens in life, you can go get what you want and you can achieve your dreams.
ELYZSIA-FAITH ELLIOTT: The dream started to become more real, like, yes. You actually can do this, and just the fact that it was so flexible and it worked with other life obligations and parenthood and jobs, and everything just really made it something that was accessible.
DORA LEWIS: This college offers women the opportunity to get their degree, and the fact that it’s online and it’s accelerated makes it viable for people.
KACEY LEWIS: The first time you hit week three, which is the midway week, everything just kind of seems– you’re like, oh. I’m halfway through this class already, and if I’m already halfway through this one, it picks up. There’s so much momentum.
DELICIA DESOUZA: So my advisor was with me through a lot. I first wanted to thank all the staff and my advisor, especially, who through a very tumultuous journey of life– through miscarriages, through family deaths, through things that happened to me, you were very patient. You believed in me the whole time without even knowing who I am.
KACEY LEWIS: The life things that were happening in my life were things that people in the college helped me with. They were human and understanding of it, which I think, you don’t see that very often. Earlier this year, I lost my grandma, and then a couple of months right after that, I lost my dad. And when that happens and you’re in a six-week accelerated program, you are like, how do I do this, right? So what I’m trying to say is this rose is dedicated to my boyfriend Matt because I couldn’t hold myself up while finishing this degree. And he helped me, so thanks.
DORA LEWIS: The first rose ceremony, a student went up on stage. She had the mic. She had a rose, and she spontaneously dedicated it to somebody.
SUBJECT 1: To my boys and my husband for reminding me to breathe.
SUBJECT 2: To my best friend and husband of 40 years, Brian.
SUBJECT 3: To my son. He push me and tell me I can do this.
SUBJECT 4: Ryan, Logan, Olivia, Stephanie– my wife.
SUBJECT 5: I want to dedicate this rose to a couple people.
DORA LEWIS: And that was so moving for everybody that that became the tradition. Other students followed her, went up on stage, and dedicated their rose.
ELYZSIA-FAITH ELLIOTT: I would like to dedicate this rose to all of us who have dared to achieve even when it may have seemed that the odds were against us. There were nights when I would sit down at the computer to take out my studies, and my son would sit right next to me and do the same. Our achievements have now set examples for the next generation. So thank you.
DELICIA DESOUZA: And lastly I’d love to thank my mother, who–
[LAUGHTER]
DELICIA DESOUZA: You’ve never given up on me. You’ve been my best friend, my supporter, my everything, and knowing that I could do it even at the age of 35.
[APPLAUSE]
ELYZSIA-FAITH ELLIOTT: That was just a great time to really look inside of our own selves and see our own journey and how we could take what we’ve been through and make it work for us and make us stronger and make us more powerful to go out and face the world.
KACEY LEWIS: And it just really means everything just how much I fought to get this degree even though I had a lot of things that could have held me back it says a lot about strength, I think. [LAUGHS]
DELICIA DESOUZA: Resilience is always the word that comes to mind when I think of my college experience. It’s taught me so much. It’s helped me become a different person altogether. And I’m forever grateful. [LAUGHS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
The American Women’s College of Bay Path University (TAWC) offers a broad selection of career-focused bachelor’s degrees and certificate programs specifically designed with working women in mind.
Starting with free enrollment counseling services, TAWC’s expert support team will provide you with the resources you need to be successful from the day you submit your application to the day you graduate. You’ll be fully supported as you make strides in overcoming mom guilt and creating a better future for your family.
All of Bay Path’s online programs are delivered through a virtual learning platform and follow the same challenging curriculum offered to students on campus. Additionally, each course offers lectures from top-skilled educators who are committed to helping you succeed academically and professionally.
With six convenient start dates each year, it’s always the right time to go back to school with Bay Path.
Ready to learn more about studying online with TAWC? Check out the university’s online student support page or call +1-800-257-9247 for more information about program offerings, the online classroom, and more.
Learn more tips on going back to school as an older adult.
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Sources
- U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Career Outlook. “Education Pays, 2022.” Retrieved Sept. 5, 2023, from https://www.bls.gov.
- Psychology Today. “Recovering from Mom Guilt.” Retrieved Sept. 5, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com.
- Human Coalition. “There’s No Way to be a Perfect Mother…” Retrieved Sept. 18, 2023, from https://www.humancoalition.org.
- Psychology Today. “How Honest Are People on Social Media?” Retrieved Sept. 5, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com.
- Forbes. “New Study Shows Career Benefits in Planning Versus Procrastinating to Reduce Stress.” Retrieved Sept. 7, 2023, from https://www.forbes.com.
- Mayo Clinic Health System. “Self care tips for moms.” Retrieved Sept. 6, 2023, from https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org.
- MetroKids. “Babysitting Exchanges.” Retrieved Sept. 8, 2023, from https://www.metrokids.com.